pettiness

well is just not cute on anyone. hate when you feel like you may be getting close to someone again, and then pull this crap. if you don't want your daughter calling you on your personal cell phone then you should say. BLAH!

Nervous

I can't believe these days are upon me. I never actually saw them coming. I head to my lawyer today for a "talk about what I want" and to prepare for court and then off to court on Monday. Blah! I am Ok with all this I just have a heart that is not ready. It's hard to close a chapter on 5 years, and stand to lose everything that I have gained in the last 5 years. It's like being 18 again and starting all over only this time I have another little person to worry about. Please pray for us.

so tonight

i had a great time tonight with my "new" friend Cody tonight.

Not sure about this one....

So yesterday Cody calls and all was fine he wanted to know if I would be home at 4pm for him to drop money off and take Emmalee out for some shoe shopping. Because orginally on Sunday when he dropped her off he didn't know if he would have to work until 7 or not. But anyways it was a decent conversation and all. Then he called back at 11 which was his lunch and he just laid into me about every reason we are going through this. To the point I highly doubted he would show up that evening. But then at 330 i get a call that he was on his way after getting some gas and picking up some cheeseburgers for Emmalee and himself. So he shows up all is fine and he takes Emmalee shopping, calls 4 times while having her giving me the blow by blow of what they had found while shopping, but I just never answered the phone. Then he says he is going to pick up Emmalee again tonight and take her to dinner and to buy the shoes they had found the day before. So I get a call at 130 and he is asking Emmalee what she wants for dinner and of course she says Texas Coral. So he then gets on the phone with me and says "Do you want to go?" I was so confused I was speechless, he says it's my treat come on just come with us. So I am going. But not without wondering if I am looking to be punished? Or am I wishful thinking? Oh I forgot I got a call at 930 last night and he was like do you think I should get her the knee high boots, something we could have discussed when he showed up today, I think he is lonely. I said tht I didn't care and put Emmalee on the phone, then he gets back on the phone with me asking why I was upset because he heard me yelling I wasn't yelling like out of anger, I was yelling because the person was far away, and I wanted my lighter back. So that is all. I don't know it's all been fun but I don't want to get my hopes up or anything. GRRRRRR! Here is my twist of my story.

Update

I don't even know where to begin on this post it's been so long since i wrote on here. But we have our first court date coming up, I feel very confident that the right thing has been done. I can't even say I miss him more then just missing what I am about to lose such as bella and this house. I am in a really great place right now I am having fun for the first time in a long time. Not fun in a bad way or anything just fun as in I can breath. I can allow the house to look like a mess, leave all the clean clothes in the basement and not worry about what's for dinner and if I will cook it good enough. There is freedom here. I do miss the security and maybe even the having a man around but really I can do this on my own! There is many times I miss my dad through all this though. At least I had him my life and I know that not all men are this way. I had a good day with cody today he picked up Emmalee and dropped her off and it was all very cordial. I have to move on I wasn't given a choice. But I am so excited to see what the future holds. I have baggage of course but that is Emmalee. Her best interest will always be number one. I have oddles of pictures from the summer but I have been up way to late this past week and just want to head to bed so check them out tomorrow.

Happy Times...

That is all, seems everything is falling into place. I am actually very excited about what my future holds. I am a little nervous of course but I have my magic pens and that is all I need. LONG STORY!
Things really seem to be looking up. Thanks to my support team. I am actually having fun for the first time in a long time. I appreciate Emmalee more then ever as well.

Some things just take a toll on you.

Well like my life right now. I am tired, cranky, sad, hot, wafting away (that could be good though), broke, scared out of mind. But all in the glory of God. Hoping for some sun to come way. For I am very sad right now and really not liking being at this house it makes me more sad then I already am. But moving can't be a option at this time soon though. I am hurry up and waiting. To bad I have no patience for such a thing.

Job Interview

I am on my way to one! YAY I am actually very excited and well nervous since I haven't done this in years. This is a different place then the one previously mentioned. Again not comfortable putting it on here. Some days I feel good like I can do this and then others I feel defeated. I know I can do it I have to but I don't want to struggle in the process. I now know what it means to live one day at a time because that is all I can do for now. It's a "hurry up and wait" kinda thing which is my Mom's very favorite saying. I would say the most sad I am about is having to get rid of Bella sure she drives me nuts but I love her so much. Also moving from this beautiful house that I love. I am sure it will take lots of adjusting for Emmalee as well and that I worry about. I have found a great sitter for her so that I am really really happy about. She is a lady from Christian Fellowship who has a daughter Emmalee's age. Things seem to be getting in order, I am just mentally trying to keep up. Wish me luck today this is a perfect opportunity for me.
Also continue to pray for my Grandma she hasn't been feeling well and was in the hospital all last week. This weekend is her Birthday party so pray for safe travels for Mom and Amee as they go down there. I am very sad to not be able to make it and for her not to see Emmalee. Hopefully soon I can just make it down there with Emmalee. Cody is picking up Emmalee on Saturday for the a few hours. I don't feel I can deny him that time since he is leaving town and this is just not a great time for me to leave the state with her. Here is hoping everything just works out.
Anyways I am off I have to get dressed in my pretty interview clothes, Go to my interview, Get Amee's car emission tested and then come home to get a few things and then I am back with my daughter, where she is this week.

4th of July

It has been a really long week! I guess staying busy is good, but I am so tired. I need to sleep all the rest of the day but there is lots to get done. We had a great 4th of July, Parade, Fireworks, and a wonderful hillbilly picnic at Amee's. You can't ask for anything better. Emmalee ate her weight in watermelon so that always makes for a awesome day in her mind.
Staying strong not knowing what the future will hold. I did get a job, for Info email me if you would like to know about it, I am not comfortable discussing it on here. I am not sure about child care at this point. I have looked into several daycares but they are all so expensive so I am thinking I will most likely get someone to watch her such as Amee. I have not decided in what direction I would like to go as far as moving yet so that makes a huge difference. This is going to be a long road but I can get through it and thank you to all my wonderful friends who have and will always be here for me and Emmalee.