The rantings of a girl...

I have the laptop back, and I need to vent..
I married Cody thinking it would last forever, Isn't that why everyone gets married? I was promised the world and given a crumb. At some point I knew that my marriage would fall apart, I didn't know when and I didn't know how, but I knew, he wasn't happy, I wasn't happy. I was in it for the long haul, I always said short of him leaving me this marriage would work. So short of him leaving me though, I became cold and distant. I know I wasn't perfect in this marriage and I had my flaws. But I still never wanted "this". But I have it and now it's time to pick myself up by the boot straps. I am now friends with Cody. First and foremost we are the parents of a adorable 4 year old, and second we are friends. Sometimes we still fight but for the most part we are friends. I never understood Cody so why would I now? But yet that brings on some fights, like he won't spend time with Emmalee because he has no money, I am like spend time with her here? But whatever we won't get into that. Anyways I have to accept this I have no choice. At first I fought it, then I realized he was right we can't be married. We can be friends I fell in love with him in the first place so at least I have something right? The more this went on and the more I analyzed his we can't be married we are better friends, I have heard this before from others, and I have never understood it, I do now. I get it! I don't know why this happens and I don't know how but I understand it. I am at peace with what is happening I am at peace with being his friend, I am at peace with having/making my own life. And you know what I enjoy it. I can do what I want when I want and I no longer have to walk on eggshells with him. I am sure he feels the same. Yet my point we are friends and he is welcome here anytime. He spent the night on Wednesday night, on the couch. His roommate has a girl over and Cody for obvious reasons didn't want anything to do with that so he came here. He slept on the couch it was raining so all night fishing wasn't a option. I would allow any friends to come here and stay if they didn't have a place to sleep. So what is the difference? He came over on Saturday for his lantern even though Em wasn't here, he brought me the laptop and picked up his lantern. Then today he dropped the newspaper off so I could look for a job. Emmalee wasn't here either. But let me tell you he was here in 5 minutes when Emmalee did call tonight asking to see him. It works it may seem insane but it works.
I have made some new friends, I am a grown up, and I can do that. I don't need to hear they aren't relationship material because I am not looking for one so really what? I like to hang out with people get to know people I don't like sitting at home alone every night. I am a social person so if I choose to hang with my neighbors and their friends what is the problem? I am still in the eyes of God Married. And we can go so far as to say what if I did want a relationship with this decent, like hanging out with my friends, good guy, What is the problem? Who is anyone to judge me and how I choose to live my life?
I am tired of negativity from people who don't know what I going through people I am not asking advice and people dare I say have the worst marriage I have ever seen. I am at the point of losing a friend over all this. I am an adult I make my choices and I am happy. I am truly happier then I have been in a great long time. I am Bethany again and I always did enjoy her.
There is my rant and if you made it this far kudos HAHA. I just really am at the point please be my friend I love friends, but unless I ask your advise don't give opinions on anything. Plus if I am not asking your advice or talking to you about situations most likely you don't know even what is going on.
Sorry I Had to rant for a moment.
P.s. since I wrote this blog I am talking about any of my blogging buddies, I am truly seeking your advice I love and respect all of you...