The rantings of a girl...

I have the laptop back, and I need to vent..
I married Cody thinking it would last forever, Isn't that why everyone gets married? I was promised the world and given a crumb. At some point I knew that my marriage would fall apart, I didn't know when and I didn't know how, but I knew, he wasn't happy, I wasn't happy. I was in it for the long haul, I always said short of him leaving me this marriage would work. So short of him leaving me though, I became cold and distant. I know I wasn't perfect in this marriage and I had my flaws. But I still never wanted "this". But I have it and now it's time to pick myself up by the boot straps. I am now friends with Cody. First and foremost we are the parents of a adorable 4 year old, and second we are friends. Sometimes we still fight but for the most part we are friends. I never understood Cody so why would I now? But yet that brings on some fights, like he won't spend time with Emmalee because he has no money, I am like spend time with her here? But whatever we won't get into that. Anyways I have to accept this I have no choice. At first I fought it, then I realized he was right we can't be married. We can be friends I fell in love with him in the first place so at least I have something right? The more this went on and the more I analyzed his we can't be married we are better friends, I have heard this before from others, and I have never understood it, I do now. I get it! I don't know why this happens and I don't know how but I understand it. I am at peace with what is happening I am at peace with being his friend, I am at peace with having/making my own life. And you know what I enjoy it. I can do what I want when I want and I no longer have to walk on eggshells with him. I am sure he feels the same. Yet my point we are friends and he is welcome here anytime. He spent the night on Wednesday night, on the couch. His roommate has a girl over and Cody for obvious reasons didn't want anything to do with that so he came here. He slept on the couch it was raining so all night fishing wasn't a option. I would allow any friends to come here and stay if they didn't have a place to sleep. So what is the difference? He came over on Saturday for his lantern even though Em wasn't here, he brought me the laptop and picked up his lantern. Then today he dropped the newspaper off so I could look for a job. Emmalee wasn't here either. But let me tell you he was here in 5 minutes when Emmalee did call tonight asking to see him. It works it may seem insane but it works.
I have made some new friends, I am a grown up, and I can do that. I don't need to hear they aren't relationship material because I am not looking for one so really what? I like to hang out with people get to know people I don't like sitting at home alone every night. I am a social person so if I choose to hang with my neighbors and their friends what is the problem? I am still in the eyes of God Married. And we can go so far as to say what if I did want a relationship with this decent, like hanging out with my friends, good guy, What is the problem? Who is anyone to judge me and how I choose to live my life?
I am tired of negativity from people who don't know what I going through people I am not asking advice and people dare I say have the worst marriage I have ever seen. I am at the point of losing a friend over all this. I am an adult I make my choices and I am happy. I am truly happier then I have been in a great long time. I am Bethany again and I always did enjoy her.
There is my rant and if you made it this far kudos HAHA. I just really am at the point please be my friend I love friends, but unless I ask your advise don't give opinions on anything. Plus if I am not asking your advice or talking to you about situations most likely you don't know even what is going on.
Sorry I Had to rant for a moment.
P.s. since I wrote this blog I am talking about any of my blogging buddies, I am truly seeking your advice I love and respect all of you...

Still here,

So yesterday Cody came but didn't take the computer so I am still in possession. Then today he was suppoused to come and see Emmalee but a shiny object must have distracted him, I really didn't think he would come back usually better things come up for him. That is just a little bitterness talking.
Tomorrow Emmalee is going to Jellystone, so I have a weekend to myself, I will miss her but I could so use a break it's been awhile. She has been so naughty today that the break will be good for me and my wits.
Nothing to much else going on I have not heard from the job yet.
OK I gotta go I just sent Emmalee to her room for slamming the front door, she got to her room and slammed her door.

I am Back!!

Well only until tomorrow, Cody felt bad for me that I have no connection with the outside world he is letting me use his laptop until he gets back from his fishing trip tomorrow. So here is a short version of my last week and half. Monday went to court, all went fine we actually settled out of court. Cathy spent the night on Sunday night to watch Emmalee for me. I am not sure how long it will actually take until we are actually divorced, but he is paying some maintance in this time. So I am able to stay in this house until that stops hopefully it will be when my lease is up in Feb.
Then Monday afternoon I had a job interview and Cody came over and watched Emmalee, I came home to a home cooked meal and a cleaned up house. Weird I know but whatever I was happy. I got the job but didn't take it because the pay was really low and the hours weren't great I would have a very hard time finding someone to watch Emmalee for me until Midnight. So not much other luck there. Then on Monday night huge storms came rolling in and the basement was leaking a bit. Then at midnight the electric went out and the sump pump then wasn't working and at 730am Cody called to tell me that Griffith all but blew away and so he got sent home from work and he drove by Mom's to make sure she was all fine. So I get up and find Calf deep water in the basement everything is ruined it was a computer, play, and family room. So I call Cody and he comes right over, and there is nothing we can do since I still had no power. So he left and I waited through the water to get some stuff out. Then at 5 when my across the street neighbors got home Cody came back and we ran a extention cord over there since they had power and we were able to pump the water out. But then since it was getting dark by the time we got all the water out Cody left. He was gone for like a half hour when the power came back on so he came back and helped me get the stuff out that we could carry. And he said he would bring a friend back over with him after work on tuesday, but he got called out of town so amee, shawn, mom, and I got the rest out on tuesday evening. Great fun let me tell you. As a result though i have no internet or home phone because i have the home phone that hooks to the internet. luckily I have a blackberry so I can sorta get online, but I have no minutes whatsoever left and am afraid of the bill so I try not to use the phone until after 9. Great times I tell you.... So now Cody brought me the laptop so I can update. I have been keeping up with all your blogs I just can't post comments with the blackberry. Oh and I have no cable either. HA my neighbor wants to run a line because he is tired of entertaining me I AM SO BORED. You would think I would clean the house or something but it's trashed Oh well.
The other good news though is that I have a job interview at one of the orginal places I put the app in for. I am way excited it's my first choice of a job so here is hoping. That is at 1030 tomorrow. So please pray I NEED A JOB badly. BLAH!!! But we shall see. Hopefully I can blog again soon. Although I am thinking of just keeping the blackberry and getting rid of the internet and home phone service anyways so it may be awhile before i can blog. Until then....

Tomorrow

We go to our first court date. I am praying that it just goes smoothly and we can get through and remain the friends we have become in the last week. It's not the dreaded oh he is bringing Em home anymore. He said we would come out of this as friends and I think he may have been right. So we shall see. Pray for us though 9am we have to be in court. Thank you to all of you who have prayed and supported me through all this :).
Also pray I have a job interview tomorrow at 4pm. Cody is keeping Emmalee so that is nice.