me&em

Still Alive...

2009-01-15T17:56:00.001-08:00

Just thought I would let everyone know Emmalee and I are still alive, Still in the Merrillville house, Yes nothing has changed except for my lack of a blackberry so now it's just a regular phone for me...

A Friend Said I should...

2008-11-20T13:47:00.000-08:00

I was telling this story to my friend Cathy, she found it to be hilarious and told me this is the stuff I should blog about...
So yesterday my friend that is remolding a house fell of the roof, (not the funny part). Another friend took him to the E.R. He has a concussion, and a sprained arm and they put him on some pain medication for the evening. Well he is the level headed of the 2 and more used to me and my antics but since he was so loopy wasn't quite up to par.
So I get a text that says "we are going to the store do you need anything?"
Here is my list now the level headed one totally knows me and I do this all the time....
Floor Acrylic
Vacuum bags
nail polish remover
tampons
a ball
basil
cheese grater
jelly shoes size 8
2 pairs of navy blue panty hose.

Here is what I got.
Tampons
nail polish remover
a ball
and bright pink winter crocs.

(One says to me they don't make jelly shoes in winter I had to ask and you should know this with the way you know fashion.)
The level headed loopy one is like she doesn't need anything, the other one is like what if she really does need tampons and we don't take them.
Seriously they scare me a bit sometimes. They are funny seperate and you put them together it's just a good time to be had by all.

That is my story for the day....

Sorry.

2008-11-08T13:38:00.000-08:00

I can't figure out how to resize the pictures so you get to click on them to see the whole picture.

Cookie baking with mia.

2008-11-08T13:37:00.002-08:00

My favorite time of day no matter what day it is.

2008-11-08T13:37:00.001-08:00

My new Hair.

2008-11-08T13:34:00.000-08:00

A bon Fire at A friends house.

2008-11-08T13:33:00.000-08:00

Halloween

2008-11-08T13:30:00.000-08:00

Some Summer time fun.

2008-10-29T11:16:00.000-07:00

Me!

2008-10-29T10:49:00.000-07:00

Me and My Friends...

2008-10-29T10:43:00.002-07:00

Pictures!

2008-10-29T10:43:00.001-07:00

So Julie has been on me to put pictures on here so here goes. YOU READY JULIE?

Birthday week

2008-10-02T18:46:00.000-07:00

Found myself this afternoon sobbing in my garage. Then came to realize that is just not smart. I have wonderful friends!! I am at Beki's house having a blast... she records my shows you know!! It's been a trying eye opener of a week!
But my girls make me happy!!! Sunday I am going to Ikea with Cathy that is always a good time, Good store, good food and a great friend that I love more then anything!!
If you can and want check out my Myspace that would be a easier way to see my pictures of all summer and this fall so far. "Bethany Wiggins, 27 soon to be 28 LOL merrillville indiana...."
I don't know my Address on there... But I don't have the pics on Photobucket or the same computer...
Life is wonderful sometimes it gets me down but then I remember or I have my friends pulling me out of the rafters and I remember the important things in life, I mean lets face it I have the best daughter in the world, I have kick ass friends, I have the best family you could ask for. Really, why would I be down!!!
Thanks Beki, your the best and I love you!!!!!!! And your morman Husband LOL.
I just want to thank everyone right now for being here for me no matter what!!!
It's my birthday week and my life rocks!!!!!!!! I may not have money and I have an ex husband who likes to put me down but I have EVERYTHING GREAT!!!
Life is Wonderful and when I forget that, I will look this up hahaha.
Thanks to my bloggers... I love you all so much...

you know what...

2008-09-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

I think that it's wrong that I have a great friend that I thought was great that I confided in and told everything to, thought she was here for me and knows what I have been through in the last 4 months even longer, to stab me in the back and go to my ex husband and talk to him for 2 and half hours on the phone, and then tell him everything that I confided in her. You don't see me in her business talking to her ex husband....
Also I got a new Tattoo on my foot so in love... It's a symbol for a new beginning, and it has my dads intitals hidden in it... It's a good reminder from the past but a reminder that the future holds so much more..

AT A FRIENDS....

2008-09-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

I am at a friends house for the night.. so I thought I would blog.. To answer all the questions no there is no job. There is no job out there for a old, haven't worked in 5 years, single mothers. I have tried not like I am not trying, not like I haven't been on interviews.
I am in a bad place maybe it's good I don't blog all the time..

I am here...

2008-09-18T13:55:00.000-07:00

I have no internet just a blackberry so it's hard to check anything... I am very far behind on what is going on in everyone's life. I am at a friends house right now..
We actually went to Plymouth Indiana this weekend, Emmalee and I, Cathy and her kids. We got stuck there until Tuesday! Cathy was able to leave but my neighboorhood was evacauated. So we just stayed there. We got water nothing bad though it was dry when we got home. Just lots and lots of mold so I spent yesterday cleaning and bleaching that. I also tried mowing the grass but the lawn mower broke on me so I only got one swipe done. Seems nothing goes right ever anymore.
We are staying here at Desiree's until tomorrow then going home to repack for the cottage, looking forward to going again, hoping we get to come home this time though lol.
Nothing to much more to report. Pretty depressed today lots going on not really in the mood to post about all of it though.
I will try and catch up with everyone soon...

I am alive..

2008-09-03T13:10:00.000-07:00

We are spending the day at my Mom's. She recorded a show for me although it didn't record but none the less we are here to watch it. Emmalee is enjoying watching PBS, "it's been a long time mommy since i could watch these shows" "Matt never lets me watch PBSkids.ORG" (Matt is Cody's Roommate).
Things are fine, I think I had a bit of a mental breakdown yesterday, well I know I did and thank you Cathy for allowing me to sob with you. There has been a lot going on and nothing at the same time. I feel always busy but I can't tell you what I am doing though to feel so busy. I feel like time is standing still and Cathy and I were talking last night that this summer has dragged on. It's odd. Summer is supposed to go fast.
Well I really have nothing much to say, so just "hello". Thought I would update while I am at Mom's.

The rantings of a girl...

2008-08-17T21:17:00.000-07:00

I have the laptop back, and I need to vent..
I married Cody thinking it would last forever, Isn't that why everyone gets married? I was promised the world and given a crumb. At some point I knew that my marriage would fall apart, I didn't know when and I didn't know how, but I knew, he wasn't happy, I wasn't happy. I was in it for the long haul, I always said short of him leaving me this marriage would work. So short of him leaving me though, I became cold and distant. I know I wasn't perfect in this marriage and I had my flaws. But I still never wanted "this". But I have it and now it's time to pick myself up by the boot straps. I am now friends with Cody. First and foremost we are the parents of a adorable 4 year old, and second we are friends. Sometimes we still fight but for the most part we are friends. I never understood Cody so why would I now? But yet that brings on some fights, like he won't spend time with Emmalee because he has no money, I am like spend time with her here? But whatever we won't get into that. Anyways I have to accept this I have no choice. At first I fought it, then I realized he was right we can't be married. We can be friends I fell in love with him in the first place so at least I have something right? The more this went on and the more I analyzed his we can't be married we are better friends, I have heard this before from others, and I have never understood it, I do now. I get it! I don't know why this happens and I don't know how but I understand it. I am at peace with what is happening I am at peace with being his friend, I am at peace with having/making my own life. And you know what I enjoy it. I can do what I want when I want and I no longer have to walk on eggshells with him. I am sure he feels the same. Yet my point we are friends and he is welcome here anytime. He spent the night on Wednesday night, on the couch. His roommate has a girl over and Cody for obvious reasons didn't want anything to do with that so he came here. He slept on the couch it was raining so all night fishing wasn't a option. I would allow any friends to come here and stay if they didn't have a place to sleep. So what is the difference? He came over on Saturday for his lantern even though Em wasn't here, he brought me the laptop and picked up his lantern. Then today he dropped the newspaper off so I could look for a job. Emmalee wasn't here either. But let me tell you he was here in 5 minutes when Emmalee did call tonight asking to see him. It works it may seem insane but it works.
I have made some new friends, I am a grown up, and I can do that. I don't need to hear they aren't relationship material because I am not looking for one so really what? I like to hang out with people get to know people I don't like sitting at home alone every night. I am a social person so if I choose to hang with my neighbors and their friends what is the problem? I am still in the eyes of God Married. And we can go so far as to say what if I did want a relationship with this decent, like hanging out with my friends, good guy, What is the problem? Who is anyone to judge me and how I choose to live my life?
I am tired of negativity from people who don't know what I going through people I am not asking advice and people dare I say have the worst marriage I have ever seen. I am at the point of losing a friend over all this. I am an adult I make my choices and I am happy. I am truly happier then I have been in a great long time. I am Bethany again and I always did enjoy her.
There is my rant and if you made it this far kudos HAHA. I just really am at the point please be my friend I love friends, but unless I ask your advise don't give opinions on anything. Plus if I am not asking your advice or talking to you about situations most likely you don't know even what is going on.
Sorry I Had to rant for a moment.
P.s. since I wrote this blog I am talking about any of my blogging buddies, I am truly seeking your advice I love and respect all of you...

Still here,

2008-08-14T13:59:00.000-07:00

So yesterday Cody came but didn't take the computer so I am still in possession. Then today he was suppoused to come and see Emmalee but a shiny object must have distracted him, I really didn't think he would come back usually better things come up for him. That is just a little bitterness talking.
Tomorrow Emmalee is going to Jellystone, so I have a weekend to myself, I will miss her but I could so use a break it's been awhile. She has been so naughty today that the break will be good for me and my wits.
Nothing to much else going on I have not heard from the job yet.
OK I gotta go I just sent Emmalee to her room for slamming the front door, she got to her room and slammed her door.

I am Back!!

2008-08-12T15:44:00.000-07:00

Well only until tomorrow, Cody felt bad for me that I have no connection with the outside world he is letting me use his laptop until he gets back from his fishing trip tomorrow. So here is a short version of my last week and half. Monday went to court, all went fine we actually settled out of court. Cathy spent the night on Sunday night to watch Emmalee for me. I am not sure how long it will actually take until we are actually divorced, but he is paying some maintance in this time. So I am able to stay in this house until that stops hopefully it will be when my lease is up in Feb.
Then Monday afternoon I had a job interview and Cody came over and watched Emmalee, I came home to a home cooked meal and a cleaned up house. Weird I know but whatever I was happy. I got the job but didn't take it because the pay was really low and the hours weren't great I would have a very hard time finding someone to watch Emmalee for me until Midnight. So not much other luck there. Then on Monday night huge storms came rolling in and the basement was leaking a bit. Then at midnight the electric went out and the sump pump then wasn't working and at 730am Cody called to tell me that Griffith all but blew away and so he got sent home from work and he drove by Mom's to make sure she was all fine. So I get up and find Calf deep water in the basement everything is ruined it was a computer, play, and family room. So I call Cody and he comes right over, and there is nothing we can do since I still had no power. So he left and I waited through the water to get some stuff out. Then at 5 when my across the street neighbors got home Cody came back and we ran a extention cord over there since they had power and we were able to pump the water out. But then since it was getting dark by the time we got all the water out Cody left. He was gone for like a half hour when the power came back on so he came back and helped me get the stuff out that we could carry. And he said he would bring a friend back over with him after work on tuesday, but he got called out of town so amee, shawn, mom, and I got the rest out on tuesday evening. Great fun let me tell you. As a result though i have no internet or home phone because i have the home phone that hooks to the internet. luckily I have a blackberry so I can sorta get online, but I have no minutes whatsoever left and am afraid of the bill so I try not to use the phone until after 9. Great times I tell you.... So now Cody brought me the laptop so I can update. I have been keeping up with all your blogs I just can't post comments with the blackberry. Oh and I have no cable either. HA my neighbor wants to run a line because he is tired of entertaining me I AM SO BORED. You would think I would clean the house or something but it's trashed Oh well.
The other good news though is that I have a job interview at one of the orginal places I put the app in for. I am way excited it's my first choice of a job so here is hoping. That is at 1030 tomorrow. So please pray I NEED A JOB badly. BLAH!!! But we shall see. Hopefully I can blog again soon. Although I am thinking of just keeping the blackberry and getting rid of the internet and home phone service anyways so it may be awhile before i can blog. Until then....

Tomorrow

2008-08-03T19:20:00.000-07:00

We go to our first court date. I am praying that it just goes smoothly and we can get through and remain the friends we have become in the last week. It's not the dreaded oh he is bringing Em home anymore. He said we would come out of this as friends and I think he may have been right. So we shall see. Pray for us though 9am we have to be in court. Thank you to all of you who have prayed and supported me through all this :).
Also pray I have a job interview tomorrow at 4pm. Cody is keeping Emmalee so that is nice.

pettiness

2008-07-30T20:57:00.001-07:00

well is just not cute on anyone. hate when you feel like you may be getting close to someone again, and then pull this crap. if you don't want your daughter calling you on your personal cell phone then you should say. BLAH!

Nervous

2008-07-30T07:44:00.000-07:00

I can't believe these days are upon me. I never actually saw them coming. I head to my lawyer today for a "talk about what I want" and to prepare for court and then off to court on Monday. Blah! I am Ok with all this I just have a heart that is not ready. It's hard to close a chapter on 5 years, and stand to lose everything that I have gained in the last 5 years. It's like being 18 again and starting all over only this time I have another little person to worry about. Please pray for us.

so tonight

2008-07-29T20:17:00.001-07:00

i had a great time tonight with my "new" friend Cody tonight.

Not sure about this one....

2008-07-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

So yesterday Cody calls and all was fine he wanted to know if I would be home at 4pm for him to drop money off and take Emmalee out for some shoe shopping. Because orginally on Sunday when he dropped her off he didn't know if he would have to work until 7 or not. But anyways it was a decent conversation and all. Then he called back at 11 which was his lunch and he just laid into me about every reason we are going through this. To the point I highly doubted he would show up that evening. But then at 330 i get a call that he was on his way after getting some gas and picking up some cheeseburgers for Emmalee and himself. So he shows up all is fine and he takes Emmalee shopping, calls 4 times while having her giving me the blow by blow of what they had found while shopping, but I just never answered the phone. Then he says he is going to pick up Emmalee again tonight and take her to dinner and to buy the shoes they had found the day before. So I get a call at 130 and he is asking Emmalee what she wants for dinner and of course she says Texas Coral. So he then gets on the phone with me and says "Do you want to go?" I was so confused I was speechless, he says it's my treat come on just come with us. So I am going. But not without wondering if I am looking to be punished? Or am I wishful thinking? Oh I forgot I got a call at 930 last night and he was like do you think I should get her the knee high boots, something we could have discussed when he showed up today, I think he is lonely. I said tht I didn't care and put Emmalee on the phone, then he gets back on the phone with me asking why I was upset because he heard me yelling I wasn't yelling like out of anger, I was yelling because the person was far away, and I wanted my lighter back. So that is all. I don't know it's all been fun but I don't want to get my hopes up or anything. GRRRRRR! Here is my twist of my story.

Update

2008-07-27T23:07:00.000-07:00

I don't even know where to begin on this post it's been so long since i wrote on here. But we have our first court date coming up, I feel very confident that the right thing has been done. I can't even say I miss him more then just missing what I am about to lose such as bella and this house. I am in a really great place right now I am having fun for the first time in a long time. Not fun in a bad way or anything just fun as in I can breath. I can allow the house to look like a mess, leave all the clean clothes in the basement and not worry about what's for dinner and if I will cook it good enough. There is freedom here. I do miss the security and maybe even the having a man around but really I can do this on my own! There is many times I miss my dad through all this though. At least I had him my life and I know that not all men are this way. I had a good day with cody today he picked up Emmalee and dropped her off and it was all very cordial. I have to move on I wasn't given a choice. But I am so excited to see what the future holds. I have baggage of course but that is Emmalee. Her best interest will always be number one. I have oddles of pictures from the summer but I have been up way to late this past week and just want to head to bed so check them out tomorrow.

Happy Times...

2008-07-14T15:33:00.000-07:00

That is all, seems everything is falling into place. I am actually very excited about what my future holds. I am a little nervous of course but I have my magic pens and that is all I need. LONG STORY!
Things really seem to be looking up. Thanks to my support team. I am actually having fun for the first time in a long time. I appreciate Emmalee more then ever as well.

Some things just take a toll on you.

2008-07-11T13:48:00.001-07:00

Well like my life right now. I am tired, cranky, sad, hot, wafting away (that could be good though), broke, scared out of mind. But all in the glory of God. Hoping for some sun to come way. For I am very sad right now and really not liking being at this house it makes me more sad then I already am. But moving can't be a option at this time soon though. I am hurry up and waiting. To bad I have no patience for such a thing.

Job Interview

2008-07-09T05:45:00.000-07:00

I am on my way to one! YAY I am actually very excited and well nervous since I haven't done this in years. This is a different place then the one previously mentioned. Again not comfortable putting it on here. Some days I feel good like I can do this and then others I feel defeated. I know I can do it I have to but I don't want to struggle in the process. I now know what it means to live one day at a time because that is all I can do for now. It's a "hurry up and wait" kinda thing which is my Mom's very favorite saying. I would say the most sad I am about is having to get rid of Bella sure she drives me nuts but I love her so much. Also moving from this beautiful house that I love. I am sure it will take lots of adjusting for Emmalee as well and that I worry about. I have found a great sitter for her so that I am really really happy about. She is a lady from Christian Fellowship who has a daughter Emmalee's age. Things seem to be getting in order, I am just mentally trying to keep up. Wish me luck today this is a perfect opportunity for me.
Also continue to pray for my Grandma she hasn't been feeling well and was in the hospital all last week. This weekend is her Birthday party so pray for safe travels for Mom and Amee as they go down there. I am very sad to not be able to make it and for her not to see Emmalee. Hopefully soon I can just make it down there with Emmalee. Cody is picking up Emmalee on Saturday for the a few hours. I don't feel I can deny him that time since he is leaving town and this is just not a great time for me to leave the state with her. Here is hoping everything just works out.
Anyways I am off I have to get dressed in my pretty interview clothes, Go to my interview, Get Amee's car emission tested and then come home to get a few things and then I am back with my daughter, where she is this week.

4th of July

2008-07-05T08:31:00.000-07:00

It has been a really long week! I guess staying busy is good, but I am so tired. I need to sleep all the rest of the day but there is lots to get done. We had a great 4th of July, Parade, Fireworks, and a wonderful hillbilly picnic at Amee's. You can't ask for anything better. Emmalee ate her weight in watermelon so that always makes for a awesome day in her mind.
Staying strong not knowing what the future will hold. I did get a job, for Info email me if you would like to know about it, I am not comfortable discussing it on here. I am not sure about child care at this point. I have looked into several daycares but they are all so expensive so I am thinking I will most likely get someone to watch her such as Amee. I have not decided in what direction I would like to go as far as moving yet so that makes a huge difference. This is going to be a long road but I can get through it and thank you to all my wonderful friends who have and will always be here for me and Emmalee.

The Day of the Lord

2008-06-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

Emmalee today in the shower asked Jesus into her heart. It was the most amazing moment of my life and I have never been happier then I am right now knowing my Daughter will be in Heaven. It all started with a singing Jesus loves me and she asked a lot of questions. I am thrilled right now! I want to shout it to the world. I guess Blogging will have to do :)

2008-06-29T11:42:00.001-07:00

First Post

2008-06-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

I am starting a new blog because I miss blogging. It's Sunday at 10 til 12. Didn't make it to church because Cody was supposed to be here to get Em before I left for Church but he didn't get here until 11. There will have to be some ground rules there and maybe just be 1230 pick up time on Sundays. Mom is on her way to Ohio because my Grandma is in the Hospital. When one thing goes wrong so does everything else it seems. I am finding strength in God right now the best I can. I have found a job in East Chicago I start in 2 weeks. I do my resume out there at a few other places I would rather work but well beggars can't be choosers at this point.
This is going to have to hurt, I am going to have to cry, it's going to break me down, but all this has to happen in order for me to move on with the rest of my life.